Randall Grantham P.A. - Tampa, Florida Lawyer

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Trusted for justice, Tampa, Florida attorney Randall Grantham works with individuals to keep their rights protected. Areas of practice - Criminal Defense, Personal Injury, DUI and traffic  

Smoke ‘Em If You Got ‘Em

I've been knockin' on the door that holds the throneI've been lookin' for the map that leads me home I've been stumblin' on good hearts turned to stone The road of good intentions has gone dry as bone We Take Care Of Our Own - Bruce Springsteen

By Randall Grantham Community Columnist

So, I’ve been hearing a lot of talk lately about the cluster-fuck that is the Republican nomination process. The candidate of the day, the anti-Mitt, if you will, Rick Santorum seems to have a little more staying power than those that piqued the R crowd’s interest before him.

You know the history- Bachman flamed out before the first caucus, Perry shot himself down with misguided missiles of mistakes and brownouts of brain power, Cain was...was...Was that infatuation really serious? That had to be a joke, right? And the Newtster is just hanging around for bombastics, if that’s a word.

But the American version of the Taliban, Rick Santorum, has apparently been there the whole time. After a corrected Iowa result showed that he “won” there, he continues to attract the far right like moths to a flaming cross. What do you call the Christian version of Sharia? Because that’s what his legislative agenda looks like.

It seems that hard-core Republicans, the ones that actually go to these dog and pony shows they call caucuses and town hall meetings and “debates” want anyone but Mitt. I don’t know what’s so bad about Mittens. He obviously really really really wants the job, he’s got enough money to assure that he won’t be tempted by those who would use it to corrupt and, like Michael Douglas in The American President, he looks the part..

And he fits into Grover Norquist’s conditions-precedent for the Republican nominee - he has enough digits on his hand to hold a pen and sign whatever legislation the republican controlled congress sends his way.

So with Santorum messing up the establishment’s planned coronation of Romney as their go-to-guy, we’re now hearing talk of a “brokered convention.” What, exactly, is a brokered convention you ask? A brokered convention is what they call it when no single candidate has enough delegates to secure the nomination on the first vote. After the first vote, all “pledged” delegates are released from their allegiance to the candidate that won their state and the horse-trading begins.

Prior to the current primary system, all conventions were “brokered.” A brokered convention produced the nomination of Franklin D. Roosevelt, but he was the last candidate so chosen to win the general election. The last time a Republican Convention opened without a nominee having been selected by the popular vote in advance was 1976 when Reagan got edged out by Gerald Ford. But it wasn’t “brokered,” Ford got enough super-delegate votes on the first vote to send the old man back to California to regroup, but lost to Jimmy Carter in the general election.

We don’t need a brokered republican convention. We need an old-school, smoke-filled backroom, brain-storming, horse-swapping session where the powers that be realize that, if Mitt ain’t it, then they better find someone new.

But who? See, that’s the whole problem with the Republican party. However much you might like their announced ideals, there is not one single Glorious Leader among them.

Who would you suggest, The Donald? Give me a break! Chris Christie? He can’t fit through the front door of the White House and his idea of a great American who deserves to have the flags lowered in her honor was not a soldier killed defending their country, but a burned-out druggie who drowned in the tub.

There’s got to be someone in Congress. How about Boner (sic)? No, his spray-on tan would stain the furniture in the White House. Eric Cantor of Virginia? Jewish. If the R’s won’t nominate a Mormon, I don’t see a Jew getting the nod, plus everyone knows all Jews are Democrats.

I can’t say the Dems are any better off. There’s no true core set of beliefs that they all share, other than to get re- elected and with Pelosi and Reid as Congressional leaders, they’re not nearly as telegenic as the Republicans (leaving Mitch McConnell out of the conversation, of course).

The Democrats just happen to have an incumbent, also known as a default nominee, but let’s see what they do in four years.

(Randall C. Grantham is a lifelong resident of Lutz who practices law from his offices on Dale Mabry Highway. He can be reached at LutzLaw@aol.com. Copyright 2012 RCG)

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